Computers Are Easy

 Computers are easy, there are icons, you don’t need to know all the technical terms.

They are not easy. I’m a writer. I know how to type. I tried to move some text, like everyone said I could, and now it’s gone.

It’s on the clipboard, look for the clipboard icon.

Why can’t I just look for the clipboard itself.

Well, you can’t see the clipboard, but, that doesn't matter.

Of course it matters. We are literally talking about something existing. That’s what matter is.

Well, this is more like energy.

Okay, great, whatever, show me the icon.

(shows icon)

That’s two rectangles and a little scribble I can barely see on top of one of them.

Well, it’s the clipboard icon, now you know.

So, now it’s easy? Because I know what some nerd in California drew on his lunch break one day, and now I know the name of it. Where is my missing text?

At one point it was on the clipboard. You probably used “cut”, right? I hope you didn’t do “delete”.

I learned the delete lesson early, so no. Yes, someone said, “cut and paste” is cool. So I tried that.

And what happened?

I cut and it was gone and I haven’t seen it since.

(opens mouth)

Do not tell me it was on the clipboard. You know that’s exactly where you started, right? If you say it was on the clipboard, then you are proving to me that you have so far told me nothing.

Okay, what else have you done.

This was two days ago. I turned off the computer.

Um, exactly how did you turn off the computer?

Really?

Well, there’s sleep mode, there’s restart, there’s Ctrl-Alt-Delete then sign-out or switch user, there’s…

Stop. At what point are you going to say computers might not be easy?

Fine. Let’s say someone helps you maintain the computer, turns it on and off for you, selects the software, installs it, and makes sure you are protected from viruses. They get you to your thing that you are writing when you want. Where are your files saved by the way? Never mind.

So, I need a computer expert in my house?

Or use help.

You’ve never tried that have you?

No, I learned from others mostly, as computers changed, I read the occasional article on what’s new.

Yeah, so I hit “help” yesterday, watched a video, and it showed me how to cut and paste in Microsoft Word. There were a bunch of words like “app” that I wasn’t sure about.

Uh-huh. And that didn’t help?

I don’t have Microsoft Word.

Oh.

But, cut, copy, and paste are universal. It comes from literally cutting paper with scissors and pasting back together. The icon for paste used to be a bottle of paste.

How does that help me?

(nothing)

Have you heard the joke about the kid who asked why the save icon is a vending machine?

Yeah. I don’t like jokes about nerds.

It’s not a joke. It’s bad graphic design. It’s like using terms from the American South before 1863 in regular speech or naming your sports team with a racial slur.

Okay, no need to get political.

Not the analogy I was going for. Language isn’t easy. Which is why computers aren’t easy.

Well, if you just understand that there is temporary memory and permanent memory, then you can imagine your text being in that temporary place for a minute, while you move to the next window where you want it, then you paste it, and then save it to the hard drive, to make it permanent, then, oh. Okay.